


The Rights Behind the Wrongs

by KnorBor, MaryLaine



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Christmas, Love, M/M, Sibling Incest, Smut, Step-Brothers, Ylviscest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 03:06:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3158897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnorBor/pseuds/KnorBor, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryLaine/pseuds/MaryLaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two months ago, the two men ran away from an intense kiss they drunkenly shared. It is Christmas Eve now and there is no chance of escaping one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rights Behind the Wrongs

**Author's Note:**

> It was through Ylvis fanfiction that we, the two authors of this story, met. It was quite coincidental that we clicked in this insanely well way, and found a friend in one another. It was on New Year's Eve that we finally physically met, and now that we had the numerous countries between us gone and a week to spend together, we thought that it wouldn't be a bad idea to attempt writing together as it is the one thing that linked us from the beginning.  
> We had our fun, and we hope you'll enjoy reading this little story as much as we enjoyed writing it.

Vegard looked out of the window of his Civic and stared at the well decorated, neat house. Actually, he had already arrived about ten minutes too early but couldn’t force himself to go inside. He had escaped him for about two months now but he knew that there would be no way avoiding him in this round. Not today. Not now. The very thought drove him crazy to start with.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see his brother, actually a part of him truly yearned to finally look into those blue eyes again, to make sure that everything was alright and unchanged between them two, but of course that wasn’t the case. That couldn’t be the case, because no matter how much both of them had tried to ignore it and forget it had happened, such an event ought to linger and remain into the air unresolved, or so it was as a result to their actions. They hadn’t done anything to solve this dilemma and it wouldn’t go away on its own, and Vegard was fully aware.

The warmth of the car heater started to cool down slowly, but the man remained sitting behind the wheel. On one hand, he wanted to set back and drive away, lie something about a flu, about urgent business… but on the other hand he was well aware that things had to be worked out between him and Bård. Even if it had to be on Christmas. They hadn’t seen each other for almost two months now and Vegard couldn’t yet determine whether the fall break of “I kveld med Ylvis” was advantageous or detrimental to the whole situation. Actually, he had tried to reach Bård, but without success. For the first time in his life—and they knew each other since the older one was twelve years old after all!—he absolutely couldn’t estimate his stepbrother. It was an odd feeling to meet him after the events for the first time here, in his parents' house. Especially since Vegard had no idea how all this would develop. Would they talk to each other? Ignore each other? He told their parents that he wasn’t sure whether he could come or rather stay when it came to the annual Christmas dinner just because of this _little problem_. He wanted to provide an escape route, being entirely aware that he could get cold feet or become more than he could cope with perfectly. After Bård literally fled in this one fateful night a few months ago, the theoretical possibility of a retreat calmed him a little. That’s how the mind is—one could fool it, lulling into a false security. Unfortunately it was not the same when it came to feelings...

Vegard closed his eyes slowly and tried to calm his racing pulse by targeted quiet breathing. His look was wistful as he opened his eyes again; a furrow loomed on his forehead. Lost in thought, he steadied with his elbow on the door and involuntarily traced the outline of his lips. This subconscious gesture was his constant pursuer from that day on, as if he had to make sure that it was not a dream on every occasion. Absentmindedly he stared at the sorely familiar house, which shone invitingly from all the windows of the first floor. These special, almost magical Christmas lights, which even now, in adulthood, pulled him under a spell. Through the windows it was visible that his mother was puttering in the kitchen; he could see it from the car even through the misty glass. For this reason he was relieved that his mother looked out the kitchen window and waved vigorously. Now the decision was taken from him, whether he should go or stay, and he felt grateful.

With one final heavy sigh, he swung the door open and stood to his feet rather unsteadily. His knees felt weak and every movement he made seemed feverish. He was already regretting that he had not found a way to back out of this situation earlier. A proper escape route could not be achieved any longer, not that Bård wouldn’t have known the true motive behind his absence had he not shown up at all. They might have not been related by blood, and might have become step-brothers in their teenage years, but goodness – they knew one another to the core. A small smirk escaped Vegard as he locked his car, realizing that maybe his brother would be better at avoiding this meeting than him. By some exceptionally fortunate twist of events, maybe Bård wouldn’t show up at all.

Vegard’s stepfather was smiling from ear to ear when he greeted him at the front door, embracing him warmly into an atmosphere of pure joy that Vegard guiltily dreaded. He felt as though somehow this horrible shame that hid within him, after what had happened with Bård, could radiate into the air around him and completely evade their innocent home. His insides cringed when he stepped into his childhood home, and as memories of him and his brother growing up began to replay into his fuzzy head over and over. All of it was now ruined, shattered into dust that could not be reassembled.

His uneasy thoughts were interrupted by his squealing mother, who ran out of the kitchen attracted by the voices coming from the hall. Vegard had to smile involuntarily as he saw her rushing towards him with spread arms. She wore the self sewed apron with the Christmas tree on it he loved so much when he was a kid, when _they_ were kids. When everything was so innocent back then.

“Is Bård already here?“ he heard himself ask as casually as possible as soon as he gave his mother a warm hug.

“Yes, he arrived nearly half an hour ago,” his mother informed him enthusiastically. “I was expecting you both to come together as you always do,” she didn’t fail to note. “Your father and I were rather startled when he showed up on his own, I even started to worry if you’ve come down with the flu.”

Vegard just smiled and listened, nodding with pursed lips, unable to provide a suitable explanation and hoping she would not push for one.

“Is everything okay between you boys? Bård would say nothing,” she inquired in her motherly concern, placing a hand on her son’s shoulder.

“We’re fine, mum,” Vegard hurried to assure her. “Is dinner almost ready?”

As he expected, his mother took the change of subject easily. “Sure, honey. Just go to the living room as long as I do the last preparations.” With a small nod, the mother turned her head to face her husband. “Please help me with the goose, Lars.”

With that, she pecked Vegard on his cheek and hurried towards the kitchen. Her husband followed her and Vegard watched them disappear in the room, followed them with his gaze trying to kill as much time as possible. He got rid of his jacket and scarf deadly slowly and hung them into the cupboard as neatly and tidily as possible. As he moved some hangers aside, he saw _his_ jacket… so painfully familiar, so him. He wore that one the evening which had changed everything. Changed them. Changed their relationship, probably. Vegard found himself patting the sleeve of Bård’s jacket. Yes, he really hesitated to go into the room where Bård was probably already waiting. Vegard’s knees turned to jelly as he thought about their reunion, even though he had prepared himself for a couple of days now. They knew each other inside and out, but Vegard couldn’t tell how Bård would react at all. Hell, he didn’t even know how to react himself.

Bård didn’t even look up when Vegard entered the spacious room. He was spread across the sofa comfortably and his gaze was fixed on the smartphone he held in hand. His eyes were slightly narrowed and brows furrowed, and Vegard knew him well enough to easily conclude that his whole manner was spelling out a plea for distraction. As they did in many ways and many times, they shared this feeling irrevocably and without a doubt were stuck on the same page in a book only they knew of.

In truth, Bård didn’t have to look up to note the presence of his brother. He didn’t have to relocate his gaze to see Vegard trying to dart his eyes across the room with the motive to avoid the sight of Bård by any cost, only to end up staring at him nevertheless, to soak him in completely despite his better judgment, despite the shame and remorse that was bottled up within him.

Well, Bård felt the same. He just couldn’t forget Vegard’s touches, Vegard’s lips, Vegard’s moans… and he felt anger rising up his chest whenever his thoughts led him to this. The anger about the fact that he felt something he couldn’t control at all. He had always been like that. Trying to suppress things, to imagine that they’re gone when he couldn’t bear to live with them. He felt Vegard’s presence, yet he acted as if he was totally dissolved in his phone. He just had no idea how to handle the whole situation, how to behave, what to say. Surely, as soon as their parents came inside the room asking for help with the table setting, they’d have to start talking, to start pretending that everything was alright, but he still had time until this would happen. And he knew nothing better than to keep staring at his damn phone.

Vegard found himself clearing his throat before he could even stop to contemplate his reaction, and before too long Bård felt compelled to glance up and greet his brother with a smile. He couldn’t do it though – he couldn’t smile. Their eyes locked and they remained on one another as though each was inspecting a stranger, as though they had never shared as much as they had in their lives in order to ignore the one part they both regretted. But they couldn’t erase it. Of course they couldn’t. In this silent moment they seemed to share much more than any words ever could. It was in both their heads, what had happened, rewinding itself like a badly shot documentary, over and over, making sure they couldn’t escape it no matter how hard they tried.

Bård’s phone voiced a new notification of some sort that startled them both, and Vegard let out a shaky laugh as Bård threw his phone aside and stood up to his feet, a little awkwardly as it was an unplanned action and all of a sudden he had no idea why he did it at all.

Vegard felt as though he somehow ought to help him, as though he somehow needed to break the ice and snap them back to normal. Out of all the things he could have said, he uttered a simple: “Hey.”

“Hey,” echoed Bård almost tonelessly, still working to force a smile to his lips and failing miserably.

Vegard felt his cheeks flush crimson as a set of heat spread throughout his entire body. It wasn’t an awkward situation—no, it was far beyond that. He begged his head to produce some sort of a joke, or some clever remark, or anything at all to ease the situation, but everything was blank with the exception of the millions of thoughts that twirled in a form of a cycle, all dedicated to the man who stood before him. “Mum is—“ he sheepishly began, but was interrupted by his brother who began his speech in just a moment later.

“In the kitchen and—“

“Dad’s helping—“

Bård interjected again. “We should go and…”

“Help them out,” Vegard finished for him, as he always did, and a small feeling of familiarity overtook him, only to be suppressed again by the same thought of what they had done.

Suddenly, Vegard realized fully how bad of an idea it was to come here. To be more precise, it was an awful idea to choose this event to see his brother the first time after what had happened. They had to talk, whether they liked it or not, and the fact that it didn’t have to be now, that they had no possibility to work things out, suddenly felt too difficult to bear. The way Bård looked at him told stories. Vegard could tell that he—his younger sibling, goddammit!—felt the same way. What the hell was he thinking? Coming over and acting like nothing had happened? With a lopsided grin he looked at Bård who brushed his hair out of his face and snipped his fingers. A clear transition act he always did when he felt unsure.

“Well, I’ll go and help mum.”

Bård forced himself to say something. To do something – anything at all. He wanted this awkward silence to stop. Actually, he always loved the fact that he and Vegard thought the same things almost at all times. If someone had told him half a year ago that he would curse this special connection that was so dear to him, he’d laugh. Now he was painfully aware of all of these unspoken things and the fact that they met in a wrong place at a wrong time. He had thought about this Christmas Eve for so long, but he’d never imagined the whole measure of awkwardness he felt right now.

Shrugging physically as though it would somehow shake off the inner mess within him, Bård watched Vegard who with one final nod turned around and slipped away to the other room. It was only a minute later when laughter blasted from across the kitchen that he realized that he stood frozen in place, seemingly immobile, lost in his own thoughts. Something had to be done and he was well aware of that, but he felt his feet tremble as he started his slow steps that would lead him to join his family.

Setting a table was indeed a task that would provide a healthy amount of distraction, but even as both the brothers worked determinately to do their own part of the job in silence, it was unavoidable for one to slid by the other as they carried the dishes and food from one room to another.

And before too long the both parents and sons were sat on the round table, digging into their food, and especially the boys who somehow found the courtesy of not speaking with a full mouth very useful. Bård felt as though he would throw up, though, and Vegard had no better appetite, but they kept on stuffing themselves up with food as though it would somehow solve their problems. And it did, momentarily, when it deemed them to silence, but the setback in the whole plan was obvious as their parents became increasingly more concerned at the distance between the brothers. However, none of them would press any questions, in a form of silent agreement to enjoy the Christmas Eve with no predicaments.

Bård finished the dessert first, like every year. This time, he was truly grateful about it. He leaned back in the cozy wooden chair and demonstratively patted his belly.

“It was great, mum!” he pronounced and gave her the most charming smile, which she returned ever-so-readily. “But you know, I had a very busy day at work.” He didn’t know how to wave off himself more politely, so he went the direct way. “I’d prefer to go to sleep now.”

 _Great move, brother_ shot through Vegard’s mind. Since they were going to spend the days at their parents’ house, there was no argument against one busy man waving himself off to sleep in the first night. Especially going along with the fact that their mother repeated saying that her house is a place to rest and relax for her beloved sons.

“Oh honey, you are a workaholic!” uttered Mrs. Ylvisåker, rather proudly than reproachfully, “You even work on Christmas Eve. But sure, I’ll take you to your room.”

Bård chuckled. “I know where my childhood room is, I’m just tired, not an Alzheimer’s patient!”

He wanted to laugh her statement off with a cynical utterance which was so typical for him, that it made Vegard smile involuntarily. His brother hadn’t changed at all and he wished nothing more than for their relationship to have not changed either…  Bård got up in the meanwhile and assumed that it was one of his mum’s not working jokes or the appearance of her exaggerated fuss over the fact that they hadn’t seen each other for a long time now. His eyebrows flung up as she shook her head, instead of laughing over his answer.

“No honey, you know, your father and I decided that it was best if we’d move on. You know, you two are out of the house for almost eight years now,” she sighed and Lars squeezed her hand lightly, “So, we use your former rooms for something else now. You have to stay in the guestroom. Both of you, since the second one is under renovation at the moment.”

In a quite synchronized motion, both the brothers’ jaws dropped open and at last they let their gazes meet. They were both aware of what this meant; there was no way escaping each other now. But they had to try, of course.

“But mum,” Vegard began, trying to keep himself composed as his insides began to boil. “We can’t stay in the same room. We—“

Bård cut him off and finished, saying: “We’re not little children anymore.”

Their mother eyed them up doubtfully and was nearly certain they were not serious. But no signs gave away that they were anything but. “I thought… I mean, you always love spending time together,” she began matter-of-factly. “I thought you’d be thrilled to get away to your own little world after dinner tonight, as you always do.”

“Mum,” began Vegard, trying to keep his voice as casual as possible, although he was sad to let his shame shatter their mother’s picture of her children’s perfect relationship. “I could stay in the room that’s under renovation, I wouldn’t mind.”

“But there’s no bed inside!” she exclaimed, suddenly becoming more aware of the boys’ distance and this very thought was making her become increasingly more worried by the moment. “And the whole room is a mess. What happened between you two?” she nearly demanded to know. She was concerned to be sure, and slightly anxious to see her boys so far apart, and this made her determined to place them in that one room under all odds.

“Nothing!“ this answer came spontaneously and kind of too fast. The brothers exchanged a quick glance and Vegard buried his hands into his lap since the wet palms left moist traces all over the wooden table and gave him away. “Just… Bård looks really tired, mum. I’m not in slightest. I would disturb him, since he can’t stand light during sleep and I have a million things on my laptop to do tonight.”

Bård darted a dumbfounded glance at him, every inch of his tensed face told stories. Vegard avoided to look at him - he knew it himself, he was well aware of the fact that this explanation couldn’t stand up to scrutiny at all but it was all he managed to say in his thunderstruck condition.

“Vegard…” his mother began in a rather sad tone.

“It’s alright—I’m too tired tonight so I don’t think anything could wake me,” announced Bård out of the blue and stood to his feet, startling both himself and Vegard with this sudden outburst. The older brother sized up the younger, with a questioning glance but Bård paid no attention to him, instead he focused on his mother and gave her a peck on the cheek as he began to make his way to the guestroom after bidding everyone good night.

Vegard watched his every step and let out a heavy sigh. This was it—they couldn’t avoid each other now. They would have to end up in one room on their own eventually as it was, but Vegard wasn’t ready just yet. No, he couldn’t bring himself to look at his brother without seeing all the events from the night rewind, without feeling a dull ache somewhere deep within him and all that shame, and what was worse was that he couldn’t bring himself to look at Bård without wanting to be close to him again, but not close as they had been before, but close as they had gotten on that one night, and even closer if that could be possible.

Another question pondered in his head, while his hands mechanically helped his parents to bring all the stuff from the table back to the kitchen. Why the hell had Bård said that it’d be fine? The way he had looked as their mother just announced the room problem, he had been just as unenthusiastic as Vegard felt about it. The whole situation was becoming worse by each new second and Vegard had no idea how to solve it, how to work things out. The fact that he couldn’t estimate his younger brother at all drove him even crazier. One part of him wanted to strut down the parents’ house, fling the door open and demand an explanation, but the other, the much stronger and reasonable one, let him keep his feet still. He had to admit to himself, that he was simply afraid to face his brother. The suspension they both had had during the last months was distressing for sure, but at least, he still had hope for the moment. He wasn’t even sure what he hoped for, but a conversation could finally put an end to everything. He didn’t want to lose his brother and best friend, he just couldn’t… If things couldn’t be resolved, at least they’d put everything out on the table and leave it all in the open. They couldn’t function apart any longer.

Vegard’s steps up the stairs were long and slow. He kept on trying to postpone the inevitable, and in the back of his head he hoped—no, _prayed_ —that his brother was already fast asleep. When he flung the door wide open and saw Bård sitting still on the bed, he felt his heart skip a beat. He watched his brother from the safe distance at the door frame, completely immobile, all the while Bård tried to observe Vegard’s reaction, as though somehow from this staring contest he could drag something out of the man and bring it to his own advantage.

But nothing could be achieved at that point. It was only a matter of a few minutes, but for them both it felt like they were stuck in space and time for an infinity, with nowhere to go and just one another to be with. In all honesty, it was in the back of both their heads, that they both wanted—no, _needed_ —to be together like that in some form of suspended space, but none of them would admit it, not to themselves and certainly not to one another. So they remained like that, a safe distance separating them and none would do anything to change the situation.

Suddenly, Bård panted. “How long are you actually planning to stay like that?”

Vegard didn’t expect Bård to maintain an amused undertone and he kept examining his younger brother. Things could only go downhill and all Vegard wanted to do was head to bed, fall asleep and let this day pass as quickly as possible. But Bård eyed him up with an inquiring glance that wouldn’t go away and suddenly, Vegard felt trapped. His breathing was becoming more difficult with each new moment and the room around him felt too small. This feeling was increased when he found himself closing the door behind him, as he automatically decided that an argument could be due and he didn’t want to involve his parents in this mess in any way.

“Well, why are you up? I thought you were tired?” The counter question made Bård blink a few times before his face assumed his typical cheeky facial features again.

“Since the wiser one gives in, I wanted to let you decide which side of the bed you want.”

Bård wore and expectant expression as Vegard walked over to the bed, rolling his eyes. There was only the one bed, and a small ironic smirk evaporated from Vegard. _Of course_. As soon as he reached his target space, he started fondling with the neatly made covers and took hold of one blanket and a pillow, threw them on the soft carpet in an obvious statement that he had no intention to sleep next to his brother.

Bård seemed amused as he watched his brother assemble these objects, and thought it was absolutely ridiculous that he’d be stubborn to such an extent. “Oh, come on, you’re not gonna sleep on the floor,” he blurted out in a half laugh.

Vegard didn’t seem amused as he looked up at him. “Does it look like I have any other intention?”

He sat down on the floor and began to remove his sweater. At this point, he just wanted to go to sleep, to _fall_ asleep as soon as possible. Wanted his subconscious to gain the upper hand and to stop all the disturbing thoughts, at least for a few hours. He already knew that a reunion would be difficult, but that they’d be crammed in a tight space and had to spend the nights together—and then even in one bed—it was just too much!

Bård laughed again, nearly entertained as he watched his brother struggle to get comfortable on the hard surface.

“Now stop being silly! The bed is big enough for the both of us,” his voice sounded conciliatory and so painfully familiar. Vegard was endlessly aware of the fact that he missed him so much; it made his guts tie into a huge knot.

Nevertheless, Vegard shot Bård a half-glare and for a moment wondered if Bård was serious at all. But of course he was. Vegard didn’t doubt it for a second but couldn’t bring himself to decipher why it could be so. What did Bård want? Vegard remained wordless and began the process of taking his jeans off. For a moment he froze, feeling the eyes of his brother all over him, but soon continued his task, determined not to let this situation become any worse that it already was.

Bård didn’t want to stare. He truly didn’t. But, it wasn’t something he could help—of course he couldn’t. He remembered the way he himself had slid those jeans off, and the way he began to tug at Vegard’s shirt afterwards, and—no! He had to stop himself and snap out of it.

“Stop being a child, Vegard,” he mumbled irritably before he stopped to consider his words.

The older brother looked up and shot Bård another glare of disbelief. “A child?” he echoed plainly.

Bård had no retort, instead just peeled off his own sweater and began to slide under the duvet. But Vegard would not let his little brother get away with this small remark. “Did you seriously just say that?” his wounded pride voiced in bewilderment, and the man strived to lock his eyes with his brother.

But Bård was good at ignoring him. “I’m tired, Vegard.” Suddenly, Bård was regretting waiting up for Vegard at all. He had thought that they could talk about what happened on a particular Friday two months ago, maybe they’d somehow joke around the situation, probably blame it on the alcohol, maybe at last find a way to get it over with, but he had been wrong. This was not a child’s play—no, this was much more than that and Bård now knew that it was an eventuality that couldn’t be resolved easily in any way whatsoever.

“Well you started this,” Vegard reminded him stubbornly, determined not to give this small fight up just now. And it wasn’t just his shallow pride. No, there was something else within him, boiling up to reach the surface and reach Bård. All the pressure, all the suppressed emotions, the unbearable anxiety, uncertainty overcame Vegard and now erupted catalyzed by that stupid remark. After all, what had happened, after Bård scrammed without a proper explanation and had largely ignored him; was that the only thing he could do when they saw each other for the first time? To call him a _child?_

Bård squinted his eyes as though he could disappear out of this situation thiswise. Vegard knew this reaction all too well, Bård had this habit since they had met the first time. But he wouldn’t let up – not this time.

“Explain yourself and I’ll leave you alone,” Vegard insisted and gave his brother an expectant look.

Bård finally caught his eye and couldn’t help but let his glance wander over Vegard’s body. The way his chest moved up and down as he inhaled and exhaled his quick breaths, which betrayed his turmoil, his inner unrest, the way this tight shirt caressed his upper body… again, he closed his eyes slowly in a desperate attempt to expel those inappropriate thoughts.

“Vegard, please…” his words sounded defeated, tired, so untypical for the stubborn, self-assured brat Bård was.

“Please what?” Vegard’s voice started to tremble, but the subliminal pleading in his brother’s voice made him lower the arms, which were pressed into his hips in a feisty manner till now.

“Please stop it,” voiced Bård. “I just kinda… blurted it out, you know? I didn’t mean to – “

“You didn’t mean to _what_?”

Bård opened his mouth in attempt to answer, but he remained silent. He had a strong feeling that this conversation wasn’t about the name he called him anymore, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak this thought aloud. And in the perfect way their minds worked, Vegard said the words that tumbled the barrier they had built and finally got straight to the main point they had both so desperately avoided.

“This argument between us… Bård, we both know it’s way beyond what you just called me. Can we just talk about it and finally get it over with?”

By the end of this sentence, Vegard’s voice completely dropped to a tone of hurt, a tone that resonated all the pain and remorse and shame that had welled up within him and he was just tired, oh so tired and simply needed a way out of this hell hole.

Bård, however, couldn’t, he plainly couldn’t bring himself to finally say it, because once he did it would be real, it would be an admittance to the fact, to the reality of what had taken place. It would become real and it was far beyond what Bård could handle just then and there.

“Vegard…” he started but trailed off, wanting to tell him that he was too tired to speak or to think, and that was indeed the ultimate truth, but aware that such an excuse would not pass. And in his determination, he made sure to keep eye-contact as he spoke. “No.”

This one final word made Vegard widen his eyes, half-astonished and half-beat as he could not believe that Bård was the one who was truly acting like a child in this situation. “No?” he echoed plainly.

Bård shook his head dismissively.

“No?” Vegard repeated stubbornly, now up on his feet which began to make the way to where Bård sat, slowly but steadily.

“Vegard, please,” tried Bård with a new set of pain, detectable all over his expression and especially his eyes, and even though Vegard could clearly see it, he would not stop. This was his chance, their chance to finally fix this and get back to normal, or at least to whichever case scenario of normal was possible at this point. “Let’s just… not do this,” he pleaded nearly desperately, and although Vegard frowned, he sat next to his brother, still determined to say the thoughts that had clouded his mind for such a long time now.

“We kissed, Bård,” he stated flatly, albeit his voice fought to tremble. Vegard tried to remain calm and composed, he needed to, he was the older one and he had to be the more rational one. He had to be the one to take the lead, he just couldn’t let himself go through this struggle, actually he didn’t want to and it troubled him even more when he’d recall that Bård was going through this same torture. No, he couldn’t allow his brother to suffer any longer. This conversation had to be done and it had to be done at this exact moment.

Bård was stunned, frozen, his was breathing becoming a difficult task at the proximity between them. He could not believe what Vegard had just said, that he had actually said it at all. “Vegard,” he breathed, wanting to say more but unable to find any wiser words. He dropped his gaze to his feet and a part of him screamed for an exit, a way out of this tiny room and a way out of facing up the truth.

“It’s wrong,” Bård finally found it in him to insist, but knew these words meant nothing. They were no solution, but an opinion, the opinion of the society and the opinion of the world they had been brought up in. But to them… it didn’t feel wrong at all. Not when they had kissed, so softly and tenderly, not when they hands tangled and breaths mingled. It had felt anything but wrong, and Bård hated this horrid feeling, it was scaring him to every last of his nerve cells. He was frightened of what he had felt, and was utterly terrified that maybe, or rather probably Vegard felt the same way, and the very idea of what it could mean, of what it really meant sent shivers down his spine.

It was wrong.

But as Bård looked up shyly to meet his brother’s brown eyes, these thoughts of disapproval disappeared within a split second and all he could see was the love which radiated from the man he himself loved.

Bård loved Vegard, he truly did, and the extent of this unbrotherly emotion was simply too much to handle.

“Look me in the eye and say it is wrong,” Vegard all but whispered, a tiny glint in his eye searching for an end to Bård’s denial, and then another small part of him begging that he would have it in him to actually go through with it, to say it was wrong, just for the sake to escape the complicity of the entire situation. Even though it was not what he wanted and completely the opposite of what his heart was yearning for, he was prepared to choke these feelings away, to lock them somewhere deep inside and forget them all in order to satisfy his brother, to help them both surpass this bump that had them stumbling.

But Bård couldn’t do it. He wanted to, he knew he needed to, and yet he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell such a lie, not about this; it was the emotion he felt closest to his heart, a pure, sincere desire to be with the man his heart swore was his soul mate, but that was the other side of the story he could not voice. He couldn’t say anything. Since words were not the solution, he jumped to his feet and began to pace the room about, back and forth with no particular purpose.

He needed out, he needed to run away and yet his feet would not let him exit the room. It would raise even more questions from his parents and he did not want to answer any of them. To remain in the room would mean that their mother would be calm, it would mean that they were resolving this problem between them but quite ironically, they were doing anything but.

Then again, Vegard was trying. He was truly trying to finally put an end to this no matter how much he dreaded it, and now he was becoming increasingly more irritated that Bård was acting like little boy, completely shielding himself from the only reasonable outcome of this conversation.

“Bård!” Vegard couldn’t help but raise his voice which formed a contradiction to the whispery words they exchanged seconds ago. This sharp contrast, the voice of his brother cutting the ever-so-Christmassy peacefulness in which the whole house seemed to be immersed, made him stop mid strut and look at Vegard who was still sat on the bed. His face expression was serious and worried, the eyes radiated sadness and Bård could almost physically feel the despair outgoing from his older brother.

“We have to talk about it… we just have to figure it out! We just have to, for our parents’ sake and for ours…” since he got Bård’s attention, Vegard tried to speak as calmly and reasonably as possible. Although his insides were trembling out of… what, actually? Nervousness? Anger? Shame?

Bård kept standing in the middle of the room and looked at him, gawked at him wordlessly. Vegard sighed and stood up. As he lightly touched Bård’s arm in order to get him out of his trance-like state, Bård twitched and pulled it back.

“You cannot run away from it. You cannot be afraid… It’s just not going to work. Not if–“ Vegard fought to choose the words carefully, “– _us_ means anything to you. In whichever way at all, do you understand?”

He lowered his head and sought for Bård’s eyes, who avoided his brother and stared down at his feet. Vegard spoke earnestly to him.

“You know I’m right, Bård! Admit it finally!”

Bård raised his eyes and Vegard saw the telltale gleam in them.

“It wouldn’t change anything if I’d admit it,” it was not more than a whisper. He spoke so softly, because he didn’t want his older brother to hear that his voice was shaky. God, it was so difficult to pull himself together in this moment! He fought back tears which surprised him the same way they stunned Vegard. Instinctively, Vegard reached up and wiped away a tear with his thumb. To see Bård this way, to see him cry, it tore his heart. He felt such a leaden heaviness in his chest, he felt guilt. He knew very well that he was responsible. Jointly responsible, at the very least.

Bård tried to dodge his hand and moved away from Vegard.

“Please, don’t…”

He knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears anymore if it went on like that. The guilt he felt was unbearable, he made this man who meant the most to him unhappy, because he couldn’t handle himself. Couldn’t handle his feelings. And this man of whom he’d earned a stout kick in the ass tried to comfort him instead… A sob escaped his chest.

“Bård,” Vegard heard himself whisper. He tried to close the space between them again, literally and figuratively, but Bård would only take a step back at his every attempt. At some point he reached the wall, and it was so easy for Vegard to reach out to him at any moment, but he wouldn’t, not like this. He needed his brother to understand him, he needed Bård to be with him in this. So he said the one thing he yearned most to be known between them: “It is not wrong. Not like this, not like _us_. We are…” he paused because his voice was starting tremble, and although he’d be foolish to think he could hide his agitation, he somehow felt the requirement to stay strong.

“We’re you and I,” Vegard finally whispered.

In this moment, Bård furrowed his brows and a strange expression overtook his features. An expression Vegard could not properly interpret. It was rage, mixed with fear, and what, repression? Vegard struggled to analyze, but he wouldn’t give up as he felt it was necessary to understand this moment to the fullest.

Bård gulped but kept his eyes narrowed. “We’re brothers,” he nearly snapped in reminder, wanting to bring his brother back to the ground as he felt this magnetic force dragging him there with Vegard, a road he knew he could not turn back from.

Vegard took the smallest step forward, but it still set them so close, and thus the air seemed to thicken with heat and a jolt of tension. He swallowed tears and felt as though he would expose himself eternally with what he was about to say. But he had to say it, he simply had to and there was nothing else to it.

“I love you and I… I can’t change it, Bård.”

The younger brother stood thunderstruck and mute as he stared at the older one. He felt these words invade his spirit and wasn’t even surprised to find them match with his own emotions. A special sensation started to spread within him, some kind of potion of a flicker of hope mixed with fear and denial, something that became the better of him and yet he still fought to suppress it.

He didn’t even blink when Vegard brought his hand to rest on his shoulder, nor when it slowly travelled up his neck leaving a ghosty trail before reaching to touch his cheek. Bård didn’t even realize that he held his breath and his grimace softened. It was a touch that told tales, such they both shared, such they could only unravel together.

He didn’t even move when Vegard leaned into him, bringing their lips nearly together.

And he didn’t even hesitate when they united in a kiss.

It felt… _right_!

Bård had missed him so much… God, it felt so right to admit it to the fullest! He wanted to stop, wanted to retire from their kiss with the sole intention to tell Vegard, but he just couldn’t let him go—not now. When his hands captured Vegard’s face he moved half-consciously, pulling his brother close and finally drew in a long breath through his nose. The kiss was tense and slow, but drenched with passion they could only ignite together. Bård was afraid, but he entirely wanted to freeze this moment and to not know of anything else in the world.

But, there was a part of him that screamed trouble and he couldn’t run away from it, and before too long he pulled away, looking at Vegard with wide eyes again flooded with blatant denial, but there was no going back now, not this time around. “We’re can’t,” he began to tell Vegard, but the man just leaned in again, silencing him with a short kiss.

“We shouldn’t—“ tried Bård but again received a kiss, one he couldn’t help but return.

Vegard’s tongue was already on his lips and before Bård knew it, he was pressed against the wall, the shorter brother pinning him with the truth he could not get away from.

And so Bård erased his thoughts in an instant, circled his arms around Vegard and brought him as close to himself as he possibly could. Their hips were bound to grind and Bård felt himself become increasingly more erect and his brother’s reciprocation all the same. Vegard separated from Bård’s lips to let out a sigh, and Bård used the moment to slide his mouth to Vegard’s neck, leaving patterns of kisses and small little nibs that drew a sharp gasp and a moan from the older man. The corners of Bård’s lips curled into a barely traceable smile and he could no longer deny this passion. It was like a cloud that surrounded them and hid them from the entire world.

Vegard held Bård’s waist tightly, afraid that if he’d loosen his grip he’s lose him forever. He would not let go. Not now.

Bård felt the same urge, actually, and he could feel both their hunger that had been repressed for far too long. And so in a determining motion, he pushed Vegard forward but hurried to follow him, all the way to the bed whereon they stumbled, the younger brother ending up on top of the older as their lips locked into an eager kiss.

Vegard didn’t wait a moment to tug at Bård’s shirt, exactly as he had that night that changed everything, but that was the point where they had stopped back then. Stopped to recollect themselves and to give in into their fear. But this time around, that wasn’t the case, and Bård lifted his arms so Vegard easily peel off the shirt, whereupon his lips hungrily met with the warm flesh of Bård’s torso, making the younger man shiver in anticipation.

A moan escaped from his lips when Vegard found the most sensitive spot on his chest and caressed it with his tongue.

“Oh God,” was all that Bård managed to breathe as Vegard playfully slid down his back with his fingers, leaving tingling marks on the skin and spine with his nails. All this, the whole situation, the place, the fact that the most intense and erotic dream came true just added fuel to the fire which raged inside his chest and spread its flame over his whole body.

He pressed his bare skin so closely against Vegard as he could and as soon their lips met again, he kissed him with such a passion that could only result from a very long oppression. He didn’t want to wait, he _couldn’t_ wait any longer. He’d always had feelings for this man, damn it!

Almost aggressively he fiddled with Vegard’s T-shirt, which now constituted an incredibly disruptive barrier to his skin. The hurdle to his warmth; he had ached for so long. Vegard broke the kiss only to pull the garment over his head and clasped Bård into his arms again as soon as the redundant fabric ended up on the floor. They felt so close, finally united in the way their bodies had always craved, and yet the urge was still there, to be even closer, and so as they kissed they glued themselves as close to one another as was physically possible.

Each of them struggled to evenly breathe in that intense embrace, their kisses were beaming a steamy air of hotness, of a need to become even more than what they already were. When Bård’s fingers began to hastily tug Vegard’s boxers away, the older man paused, savoring the moment, fully aware that it was not a dream nor a fantasy, not this time around, and for a moment there he smiled, pure joy playing with his features. Bård saw this as he worked to remove the last piece of clothing that remained on the older man, but said nothing, instead let his lips slide down the sensitive flesh of Vegard’s neck, making his brother let out a tiny, barely audible moan of pleasure. It arose something within him, some new type of a feeling, a pure satisfaction to be the one to cause such a reaction from Vegard, and this thought aroused him to an extent he was certain he had never felt before. He didn’t have time to ponder over it, to wonder how it came to be and why it had to be his brother, for he was too focused on enjoying the feel of him and it was too precious to pull away from. Not now.

Vegard’s fingers tangled into Bård’s hair, pulling him up so their lips would smash into another eager kiss, but somehow the frantic lust gave way to tentative passion and the brothers kissed each other softly and tenderly, as though they needed to tell one another that it was alright, that it wasn’t wrong, that they belonged into one embrace.

It was a wild dance full of contrasts. Passion mingled with tenderness. The certainty how wrong it was due to social norms in clash to the feeling that it was _damn_ _right_. Both men were trembling with desire. It was so bloody much hotter than it had even been in Bård’s most erotic fantasies, more intense than anything he had experienced so far. Vegard… this man drove him crazy. Clouded his reason. He couldn’t and didn’t want to wait any longer.

He looked deep into Vegard’s eyes as he touched his hard, trembling flesh for the first time. Initially hesitant, as if he was exploring boundaries. It was all new to him, new and immensely exciting. This intensive, lust filled look they shared was a kind of recognition. A proof of the fact that this time he knew exactly what he was doing and that this time he turned his feelings and desires into actions. He admitted what he felt for him. To himself as well as to Vegard. This was a glance which said more than a thousand words ever could.

Bård’s hesitant touch made Vegard bite his lip to suppress a groan in anticipation. This touch, after which he longed so much and would never have thought possible, as Bård had ran away after the last time they’d tried... the last time Vegard dared to touch him this way. It felt so wrong back then, but in the moment, it seemed the most natural and normal thing in the world to be. He wanted to reciprocate, to please his little brother the same way he’d brought these immense waves of a tingly sensation within himself, but he was too far gone, too lost in the moment that no matter how much Vegard wanted to focus on his brother, all he could do in that moment was arch his back and moan as he watched Bård slowly slide down his torso and his lips ending up on his inner thighs, all the way his arm kept jerking him off in a steady rhythm.

Vegard’s head felt overwhelmed with eroticism as he watched Bård slowly kiss his way towards his erection. Bård’s eyes were still locked with Vegard’s face and carefully studied his features and reactions. He looked simply amazing. His face was contorted in pleasure, he was breathing hard and when he tried to be as quiet as possible before, he didn’t care about how loudly he exhaled the air anymore. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes revealed a great desire. To see the man of his dreams like this, so ready and aroused, made his own cock tremble in anticipation.His heart was beating so fast that he could feel it in his temples. He paused, as if he wanted to savor this moment. Vegard’s almost pleading glance, the fact of how trustingly he lay before him, all that would have burned forever in Bård’s mind. His face, his mouth was only a few millimeters away from the intimate and incredibly exciting and intoxicating flesh. Slowly, almost gently, he licked over the head, tasted Vegard’s lust, which reared up involuntarily, towards the hot and so craving mouth.

The movement of his brothers’ hips aroused Bård so much, that couldn’t restrain himself anymore. All the suppressed desires, all erotic fantasies that haunted him and which he couldn’t turn off, the certainty that Vegard wanted him the same way he did, broke from him and with a guttural growl he took the cock’s full length in his hot, irreplaceable mouth.

The feel of this tight, wet heat came as a surprise for Vegard. Within seconds he felt the orgasm build in his lower abdomen, and he was aware he would not last long, and no matter how much he wished to prolong this moment, he also needed to come and to release so much that was suppressed within him for too long of a period.

In a weak gesture Vegard ran his fingers through Bård's hair, felt the silky strands of the man, whom he adored so much. In order to signal him that he couldn’t hold back his desire, to warn him while Bård could sense this, _taste it_ , but wouldn’t move away, and instead was slightly surprised by how hot but still totally elemental his brother’s semen felt inside his mouth. He was even more surprised when he found himself swallowing voluntarily, all the while their eyes were locked, a sight that was so perverse and naughty that Vegard felt he’d never see anything more fulfilling.

He couldn’t help but moan as the tongue of his brother tenderly traced the over-sensitive verge, as a kind of final farewell before he gently kissed the tip and slowly went up. Bård was tardy, almost sluggish, as he traced his lips over Vegard’s torso while the older man’s breathing evened, patiently waiting for his brother to settle from the high before they could proceed. Lightly nibbling at Vegard’s flesh, Bård’s mind darted back to all the sleepless nights he tried to fight the idea of his brother like this, right below him, without much success. Now that it was actually real, that it was happening, he felt an unfamiliar twitch in his stomach, but it was all but pleasant, a new sense of love and appreciation. He was sucking at the neck when he felt Vegard pull him up, slowly and gently but with a subliming set of urgency.

“God, how I love you,” Vegard breathed into his lips.

Bård leaned in for a kiss, his tongue entering his brother’s mouth without an ounce of permission, wanting to show him that he felt the same way, as he felt whichever words he ought to settle would not be satisfactory. He did, however, say it. “I love you,” it escaped his lips without much thought, blending into the atmosphere. At that very moment he felt Vegard grab his cock, this sudden touch, so demanding made him wince. The eyes of the men locked and Bård was aware that it was his turn. Oh god, how much he anticipated it!

Bård rolled on his back, completely surrendering himself to his brother’s will, and at that point felt that whatever Vegard would do would bring him into bursting ecstasy. 

The older man looked deep into his eyes, focused his lust-filled look at Bård’s mouth, which opened in a silent moan of pleasure as he slid his erection up and down with rhythmic movements. He leaned down and kissed his neck, feeling the pulse beneath his lips, licking up to the ear, as if it were some kind of foretaste, a demonstration of his tongue. He elicited a groan from Bård’s mouth as he bit into his neck in a burst of passion.

“My God, what are you doing to me,” murmured Bård. The touches, Vegard's nearness caused extensive creeps on his whole trembling, a feeling which was so exciting and yet so agonizing.

Vegard answered nothing. His mouth twisted into a knowing smile, a silent consent, proving that he felt the same. He made his way down, licking and teasing. Going to where his mouth was much more urgently needed. Any contact between his mouth and Bård’s heated skin was like a soothing, ecstatic electrical shock. Vegard stopped between the legs of the blonde man and removed his boxer shorts with a quick, impatient gesture. He held his breath and let his gaze—and hands—wander with admiration. He stroked his sturdy thighs, felt the wiry pubic hair between his fingers.

“You're so beautiful,” he heard his thoughts out loud and let his gaze move on Bård’s entire naked body. He could not take his eyes off him.

“Please...” this hoarse, breathy entreaty, the pleading look of his younger brother brought him back from the downright hypnotic state that exerted this quivering, beautiful body on him.

This word, plead even, escaped without Bård’s consent to say it aloud actually. He felt his cheeks get hot and prayed that Vegard did not notice. It was kind of funny, he was a grownup, dammit! And yet blushed like a young, inexperienced teenager. He gradually lost control of himself yet this time he could not care less. Vegard drove him over the edge, made his body turn into a whole highly strung node that willingly responded at the slightest touch with fluttering and threatened to burst every second. Even these hot, burning eyes he felt them in his bones. The intensity of his overwhelming feelings surprised and excited him equally. It was so beautiful, so well done, so _right_... he almost forgot to breathe, the sight of this man between his thighs fascinated him to an extent he never thought possible. Of the man whom he loved and coveted so indescribably much.

“I… I love you so much,” Bård barely whispered but Vegard understood every single word. In contrast to the former outburst, these words were aware and well chosen. Yes, he loved him. Damn, how much he loved him!

“I love you too,” was all the dark haired man managed to reply. A short, concise sentence, so full of truth and strong emotions – suppressed emotions, due to waste of time pondering about conventions and to complicate everything. And yet it was so easy... Vegard tried to get his eyes off Bård’s body, but he didn’t succeed in an instant. So many times he had seen him without clothes, but not like this; never like this. It all felt too good to be real, too fantastic and definitely too much, but all he could think of was that he wanted more, more of the touches, more of the pleasure.

As he took Bård’s throbbing shaft in between his swollen lips, he heard an exhale, a form of relief from the anticipation and then a moan drenched with much more emotions than pure satisfaction. They’d both needed this for a long time, Vegard thought as he sucked on in an increasing tempo, it was as though their bodies were made to be like this, together. It _couldn’t_ be wrong!

Bård’s fingers dug their way through Vegard’s dark locks, caressing and pressing and barely containing himself from exploding in a scream. His voice was caught soundless into his vocal strings, because he was well aware that it was not the time nor the place to exclaim his unmeasurable pleasure, so instead he focused on the entire feeling of having the man his loved do this to him. It was beyond comparison to anything he had ever experienced. It was damn right and goodness, he needed more!

His mouth dried up and with it the groans, which would be too banal of a feedback to express what he felt in this moment. As the most intense, shuddering orgasm overtook him, all he could whisper was Vegard’s name. Blood roared in his ears, the so vivid, brooding proof of what this man induced in his entire body. Caused in him, in his heartstrings.

They laid safely locked into each other’s arms, holding on tightly, almost afraid to let go. This was _it_ , and they had indeed tried to overcome or run away from it, but they simply couldn’t, because this was simply it—exactly what they had both longed for. Goodness, they had wasted so much time trying to deny it, so much time trying to avoid what was simply meant to be. _They_ were meant to be.

“What do we do now?” Bård all but whispered after what felt like hours of laying in his brother’s arms, voicing the small turmoil that flooded him, hoping that Vegard had the answer as he was the one who had taken initiative in the first place.

The older man sighed, allowing his fingers to graze up and down Bård’s back, who laid on this chest. “There is no going back now,” he simply stated.

Bård agreed to the fullest, but what his brother had offered was not a solution of any kind, and thus he felt a small amount of anxiety creep in. No, there was definitely no going back, and he under no circumstance wanted to deny his love any longer. What they had just done, it was the peak of his fantasies, of his dreams, and he was not ready to let it go now when he had finally achieved to fulfill what he most wanted. He needed to be in Vegard’s arms forever on. Why dismiss what most makes a person happy? He wouldn’t do it. Not anymore.

“I don’t want to go back,” Bård told Vegard, pressing his lips to his torso and earning another exhale from his brother.

“We don’t have to,” decided Vegard firmly.

The younger brother fell in thought again, but he knew what had to be said without much consideration. “No one can know.”

Vegard shook his head above him, he could feel, but they needn’t have said any of this. They understood one another wordlessly in their flawless, irreplaceable connection. “We’ll figure it out,” Vegard promised, more to himself than his brother, planting a kiss in that silky, blonde hair.

Suddenly Bård raised his head, striving to lock their gaze. For a moment they started into each other’s eyes, sharing heaps, and then Bård whispered: “You won’t change your mind, will you?”

The words were nearly shaky, slightly filled with fear and a blatant desire to be denied.

Vegard’s lips curled up in a smile as he watched the uncertainty in the eyes of the man he loved. His soul mate. Oh, how silly could he get? They couldn’t part, not if Vegard could help it. He moved his hand so it would gently caress the cheek of his brother, bringing their faces together so only an inch would separate them. Before Vegard leaned into a gentle kiss, he softly whispered: “Never. I couldn’t.”


End file.
